Testing for Aspergers
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I can feel your frustration from your post. It sounds like a lot to deal with. You are a really caring person to look after your ex the way you are. It's so tired, I know, but some men seem to really struggle with addressing any type of ASD issue. Be it their child or themselves who may be on the spectrum.
Unfortunately, the way it goes with ASD, you would be lucky to find THE evaluator from the first referral. There is no one else his doctor would reccommend? What about your physician? Often times pediatric doctors are not familiar with adult specialists, so I wouldn't give up hope. I do not have a direct answer for you. I wish I did. I would probably start with my own doctor if I were you.
If you are going to be your ex's advocate, you will need to be strong and keep digging. My concern is that you can't make anyone do anything (even if you know it is right). If your ex is unwilling to go further, you may have your work cut out for you, obviously.
We are well aware adults with ASD exist, as many of them are members. Hopefully, someone will have more direct advice for you.
Making Sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior: A Step by Step Tool for Understanding Children Diagnosed With NLD, Asperger's, HFA, PDD-NOS, and Other Neurological Differences
Book (Jessica Kingsley Pub)
Sammons Preston GADS: Gilliam Asperger Disorder Scale
Health and Beauty (Sammons Preston)